In his well-known daily devotional book, My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers writes
“Ye know not what ye ask.” Matthew 20:22
There are times in spiritual life when there is confusion, and it is no way out to say that there ought not to be confusion. It is not a question of right and wrong, but a question of God taking you by a way which in the meantime you do not understand, and it is only by going through the confusion that you will get at what God wants.
(You can read the whole devotional at myutmost.org)
I understand that confusion thing. My life as a pastor and the life of the church I serve are both a bit confusing right now. Along with some amazing things that are happening, there are some other things happening that are really confusing. Things are complicated…
I’ve prayed about it, and I have felt reassured. God seems to be saying that we will be transformed by this confusing journey. I will be transformed as a pastor – growing into what I am meant to be. And our church will be transformed as well – letting go of our fear and growing into the mission we have been given. But first, we have to go through the confusing time and see, in time, how God comes through or us. In that way, we’ll learn faith – both the church and I will.
God has done this before and I expect that God will do it again. In the middle of it, it’s confusing and stressful. Later, it’s clear and peaceful. I believe that God will continue to do this until it’s not stressful for the church or for me – until we can trust not only after the confusion is resolved, but in the midst of it. OK, God. Your will be done!