When I started seminary, I read an article that talked about the danger of making Bible-reading and prayer into part of my professional job description rather than a spiritual discipline, but I didn’t expect it to happen to me.

It makes sense.  I used to do computer programming as a hobby – until I started doing that for a living.  Who wants to go home and do more work?  I didn’t.  It was no longer a fun thing I did for myself.

Reading the Bible and even setting aside specific times for prayer were painted with the same brush as church administration, expense reports, newsletter articles, and even preaching.  Stuff I have to do.  As I became more and more burned out, more things moved from the “Things I’m Passionate About” list to the “Things I Have to Do for My Job” list.  At some point, without my realizing it, reading the Bible became something to do because I needed to teach a Bible study or preach.  Not a good place to be if you consider that we don’t live by bread alone but by the Word of God.

God was gracious and gentle with me during that time, but I always had a sense that it wasn’t supposed to be this hard.  Part of the difficulty came from turning the things God intends as a blessing to all Christians into an obligation for a job.

So I didn’t finish reading the New Testament – that felt like an obligation.  But I did get to re-experience the joy of reading the Bible.  I can read any part that strikes my fancy that day.  I can research a topic I’m interested in.  Or I can just experience the comfort of one of my favorite Psalms.

I’m not quite out of detox yet, and it will be a challenge as I re-enter my pastoral role to make sure I don’t slide back into seeing it as an obligation/job requirement.

Anyone have ideas?  Let me know!

From Charles Spurgeon’s “Faith’s Checkbook”
Choice Men (women too, -ed.)
August 27
I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction. (Isaiah 48:10)
This has long been the motto fixed before our eye upon the wall of our bedroom, and in many ways it has also been written on our heart. It is no mean thing to be chosen of God. God’s choice makes chosen men choice men. Better to be the elect of God than the elect of a whole nation. So eminent is this privilege, that whatever drawback may be joined to it we very joyfully accept it, even as the Jew ate the bitter herbs for the sake of the Paschal Lamb. We choose the furnace, since God chooses us in it.  We are chosen as an afflicted people and not as a prosperous people, chosen not in the palace but in the furnace. In the furnace beauty is marred, fashion is destroyed, strength is melted, glory is consumed, and yet here eternal love reveals its secrets and declares its choice. So has it been in our case. In times of severest trial God has made to us our calling and election plain, and we have made it sure: then have we chosen the Lord to be our God, and He has shown that we are assuredly His chosen. Therefore, if today the furnace be heated seven times hotter, we will not dread it, for the glorious Son of God will walk with us amid the glowing coals.

Sent from Faith’s Checkbook Mobile Devotion Android app – www.WhitneyApps.com

“The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming: That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”

Good mission statement?  There are lots of ways to preach and send.  Literally preaching is surely important.  So is showing love in other ways.  It’s hard to contemplate the Good News when your family’s hungry.

You can’t send without showing confidence in people’s gifts.  And of course, no one can be sent unless they’re willing to reorder their life enough to make the time/energy.

Love the Church

Thou shalt arise, and have mercy upon Zion: for the time to favor her, yea, the set time, is come. For thy servants take pleasure in her stones, and favor the dust thereof. (Psalm 102:13-14)

Yes, our prayers for the church will be heard. The set time is come. We love the prayer meetings, and the Sunday school, and all the services of the Lord’s house. We are bound in heart to all the people of God and can truly say,

There’s not a lamb in all thy flock
I would disdain to feed
There’s not a foe before whose face
I’d fear thy cause to plead.

If this is the general feeling, we shall soon enjoy times of refreshing horn the presence of the Lord. Our assemblies will be filled, saints will be revived, and sinners will be converted. This can only come of the Lord’s mercy; but it will come, and we are called upon to expect it. The time, the set time, is come. Let us bestir ourselves. Let us love every stone of our Zion, even though it may be fallen down. Let us treasure up the least truth, the least ordinance, the least believer, even though some may despise them as only so much dust. When we favor Zion, God is about to favor her. When we take pleasure in the Lord’s work, the Lord Himself will take pleasure in it.

Sorry vegetarians, I have to agree with J&D’s – “Everything should taste like bacon.”

We had the opportunity to spend a couple of days in Santa Cruz with Eleanor’s family, and someone in the group wanted to check out the Santa Cruz Boardwalk.  After getting everyone settled and feeding them, we made the short (by adult standards) walk to the beach.  By now it was evening, and the Boardwalk was really crowded, so we decided to walk along the shore.  The kids kicked off their shoes and walked through the water as it washed up on the beach.  Everyone was having a good time.  But the kids started getting more and more energized.  They dared to run farther out.  They cared less and less about getting wet.  Eventually, they tore off their shirts and started wading in the cold water as it was getting dark.   We expected them to come to their senses at any moment.  We thought they’d notice how cold they were and come back out seeking warmth.  But it didn’t happen because, as I mentioned earlier, my children have no common sense.

As parents, we tried to stop them.  We knew that they didn’t have spare clothes.  We knew that we had to walk a mile to get back to the house.  We knew that what the kids found so fun right now  was going to make them miserable very soon!  But now it was done.  The die was cast.

We (the parents) started talking about how to help our children.  Eventually, we decided that I would run back to the house, grab the minivan, drive back to the beach, and pick up the wet kids so they didn’t have to make the walk back in cold wet clothes.  You see, we love our senseless children and are willing to do completely unreasonable things to ensure their well-being – even when the problem is one of their own creation.

As I was huffing and puffing on the run back up the hill, I thought about my own life and my relationship with God, which is a lot like my relationship with my children.  God loves me extravagantly and – even though I frequently seem to have no common sense – continues to go to unreasonable lengths to ensure my well-being.

In fact, as I was trekking up that hill, I realized that I didn’t know the house number of the place I was trying to find.  I knew what street it was one, and I would know it from sight, but it wasaloooong street, and the kids were waiting for me.  I heard, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own insight.  In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight.”  (Proverbs 3:5)  I turned left and found the house with the minivan waiting right out front.  Even as I as working to care for my children, there was another pair of arms underneath, holding both them and me.

We had to make an emergency trip to Southern California to visit one of Eleanor’s relatives who got a cancer diagnosis.  That in itself could easily have been more stressful, but the discontinuity it provided to me was helpful.  What happened initially was that the kids were still in school so once day I was working and the next I was on sabbatical, but there was no marker to help my brain shift gears.  It just felt like a long “day off.”  Then last week I got sick, which didn’t help either.

Getting away – even though it was two days of travel and one day of visiting – was good for me.  Then yesterday, which started terrible, ended up being a great unprogrammed day for our family.  We did some cleaning, some playing,  went for a long walk, and went to dinner together

Also, I feel the prayers of the congregation.  I believe that this sabbatical is a critical learning time for me.  I need to learn to let go and find a new way to be pastor (I’ll blog on that soon), and I believe there’s a spiritual battle around it.  Someone leaked to me that the congregation is praying for me with a new dedication, and I believe that is a big part of the shift I’m experiencing.  Thank you!  The intensity of the anxiety is waning, and I’m feeling a lot more comfort and confidence in God’s love, grace, and power.  (Remember, “Greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city.”)

Two things in closing:

1) I believe that “Let It Go” a song by a band called Tenth Avenue North will be my theme song for the summer.  If you want to hear it, there are lots of uploaded YouTube versions.  I’ve embedded a live version below (not the more polished studio version, which is also great):

2) Even though you can see my Twitter updates on Facebook, I’m finding it helpful not to visit Facebook. There isn’t a way to put a “vacation message” on there the way you can on email. I just want you to know I’m not ignoring you – I just can’t see the Facebook comments people may be making.

Eleanor and I miss you all! It’s strange not to see you. One thing I know for sure is that it will be good to see you at the end of the summer.

Your brother in Christ,

Steve

The church is going to a lot of trouble to make this possible, and it’s intended as a blessing to me and my family.  I am grateful for it.

The catch is that I’ve been seriously burned out for over a year now.  And I’ve been anxious both about the church’s finances and my own.  Meanwhile, we’ve faced crisis after crisis.  I’m so far overdrawn on energy that I really hope 14 weeks will be enough to catch up.

I had expected to spend a couple of weeks resting, catching up on sleep, and letting things drain out of my head.  But I’m still feeling pretty anxious.  A pastor friend of mine pointed out that it’s hard to relax when you don’t know if the church is going broke.  That’s for sure!  There’s a big even going on today, and I keep trying not to be anxious by giving it to God in prayer.  And then there was also a lot of organizational change just getting started when I left.  It could go two ways.  If people step up and claim their calling – taking on the church’s mission as their own – it will be a joy to return.  I’ll still need to drastically change the way I function as pastor, but it will be a great place to be.  If people don’t do that, and I come back to a mess – or worse, to apathy – it’ll be hard to return to the pastor role.

I’m pretty clear that God doesn’t want me to try to carry the church’s mission or to try to make the people of the church claim it.  But the mission is so important to me and the vision so clear that it’s hard to let things fail.  This summer, I’m getting practice in that.

In fact, a bunch of things in my personal life have fallen through already in these two weeks.  I’ve had to do my best to hand them over to God.

The timing of my sabbatical seems to be designed for the church to work on its assignment and me on mine.  I hope we both get an A because that will mean that the church will claim its calling and bring the light of Christ to a community that desperately needs it.  It will also mean that I, having learned to let go, will be healthier and more able to focus on what I’m called to do, rather than on logistics and administration.  Of course, it’s highly unlikely that either of us will be finished with our assignments by September, but God-willing, we’ll both make enough progress to give us hope and some good momentum in the right direction.

Pray for us both!

On my way,

Steve

The people of Israel had been mistreated in Egypt for some time.  And when God told Moses that he was planning to free the people, Moses and Aaron went to Pharoah to ask to be allowed to worship God in the wilderness for three days.  Not only does Pharaoh refuse the request, but he stops providing straw for the people to use to make the bricks that are daily demanded of them – with no reduction in their required quota.  Because of Moses request, the people are worse off than they were before.  And at the end of the chapter (and the end of his rope), Moses says to God, “O LORD, why have you mistreated this people? Why did you ever send me?  Since I first came to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has mistreated this people, and you have done nothing at all to deliver your people.” (Exodus 5:22-23)

I have felt that way as a pastor.  I really believe that God led me to become the pastor of Trinity Presbyterian Church, but the events of the last 18 months have exhausted me.  We’ve had constant budget problems, a number of different crises, too many deaths (including a young girl with her unborn child), and a breakdown in the church structures.  When God raised up someone to help with the organization, she and her husband had to move to Houston, and we’re struggling on that too…

God, what are you doing?!?  Why did you call me and build up all kinds of wonderful things just to leave me feeling helpless and the church in jeopardy???

Of course Trinity is only at Exodus 5.  There are a lot more chapters in Exodus (it goes up to 40!)  The story of the exodus doesn’t even become an exodus until chapter 13.  If it ended before 13, we’d have to call it “The Book of Bricks and Plagues.”  And who would want to read that?

I’ve asked God that question before…  Why did you send me here only to pull out one support after another?  The only answer I’m getting is “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).  While that may not the most satisfying answer.  (I’d prefer to timeline and a list of the ways God plans to provide for all of the manifold needs I can see before the church and me.)  But ”be still and know that I am God” is the most helpful answer.

And specific resources or provision could end up inadequate for the problems that are ahead.  The promise that God is God is sufficient for any eventuality.  The trick is to remember that and let it sink in deep enough to conquer anxiety and doubt.

I’ve been having some difficulty with that part lately, but in the past few days, God has sent no fewer than four friends with messages that promise God’s provisions  – often with special meaning to me that they could not have known.  One friend sent a PowerPoint presentation with music in the background.  The melody was the song I used in my senior sermon in seminary and the candidate video I sent to Trinity before they called me to be their pastor.  Our music director chose a new song and told me “I thought about you when I chose this – it’s for you.”  The song included that verse from Psalm 46 – “Be still and know that I am God.”  The secret message was that when my wife was praying for me the night before, she asked that I would know whatever I need to know.  What I heard in my head was “Be still and know that I am God.”

God’s promise is good.  I can’t say that I’m suddenly relaxed, but it’s clear to me that God is making a way forward.  The journey the people of Israel began on that fateful day in Exodus 5 may have started with worse hardships than before, but it ended with them entering a new land – prepared in advance for them by a God who loved them.  It will be really interesting to see where our journey leads.

So in the nearly 40 memorial services I’ve done as pastor of Trinity Presbyterian Church, I have been blessed. And yet the heaviness builds up over time. Though God was with him, Elijah eventually ran away.

The coolest thing about that story is that when Elijah went to run away, God sent an angel to make him a nice meal for the trip. “Get up and eat, otherwise the journey will be too much for you.” (1 Kings 19:7). And then, after Elijah had rested, God called him back. Not in an earthquake or a fire or a storm but in a quiet, gentle, loving voice.

I’m getting ready to take a sabbatical this summer. I’ll be away from my vocational ministry – particularly church administration! – for three months. My expectation is that in my time on Mount Horeb will be restorative and surprising. I look forward to rediscovering my passion for ministry and for preaching.

The tough stuff builds up. And sometimes a rest is necessary. And through it all, God is good. God knows what I need – even when it’s to run away for a bit.  I’m sure there will be plenty of ministry to do when I get back.

People make these as a way to express their grief and feel like they’re doing something about their loss. The church used to provide a place for that.  We used to be the place where people gathered to express their loss and comfort each other.   A memorial service followed by a reception used to be the place where people would find meaning and hope in a senseless loss – where people could share their pain, share their stories,comfort one another, and offer support.  If we wanted a lasting memorial to a person, we would donate to the church’s memorial fund and our loved one’s name would be recorded where future generations could read it.

But where do you go if you don’t have a community like that?  How do you find hope if you don’t have the hope of the gospel? Where do you go to share stories?

I think that these roadside memorials are a sign of spiritual hunger – of people’s search for meaning and longing for more in life.  We’re desperately trying to create it for ourselves.

I wonder how the church might respond.  I wonder if there’s a way for us to meet that need again the way we once did.  I wonder if we could make ourselves available for memorial services or even places to memorialize someone in a more permanent way.  How could we let people know that we’re there for them in their time of crisis?

What are your ideas?

Here’s the deal.  I’m not a morning person at all.  I don’t like getting up any earlier than I have to.  I don’t think very clearly in the morning either.  I’ve tried prayer journals and devotional books.  They’re OK, but I still need a lot of discipline and a measure of focus.  I’ve tried the “read the Bible in 365 days” plan too.  It’s great, but my brain doesn’t want to digest that much so early in the morning.

I’ve used devotional books too, including My Utmost for His Highest (Oswald Chambers), Morning and Evening (Charles Spurgeon) and These Days (various authors).  They’re inspirational, but there’s not a lot of Bible or prayer in there – mostly reflection.

What I really need is a prayer leader – my own private prayer service each morning.  So here’s what I’m doing.  Each morning, I’m praying along with a “morning prayer” podcast.  It’s based on the Episcopal Church’s daily office book so it had a Psalm and two Bible readings along with a prayer of confession, a creed, a chance to pray for others, the Lord’s Prayer and a blessing.  It’s also set to music – just the thing for me.  As a good Presbyterian, I pause during the prayer of confession to get a little extra confessing time.  I usually pause during the intercession time too.

It takes me 15-20 minutes for that.  On the good days I can pray and read more as I feel led.  On the bad days, at least I’ve started with prayer!

There are several audio resources available for prayer time with a computer or MP3 player.  Try them and see what works best for you:

Listen or subscribe to the Morning Prayer podcast from the Episcopal Church in Garrett County: www.episcopalchurchingarrettcounty.org/churchonthewebpage.htm

For a reading and reflection Monday through Friday, check out www.pray-as-you-go.org

For a weekly dose of scripture, prayer, music and contemplation, try the Taizé podcast www.taize.fr/podcast

There’s also an audiobook version of Eugene Peterson’s The Message that divides the Bible up into daily doses (with a day off for reflection and catch-up each week): www.amazon.com/Daily-Message-Complete-Bible/dp/1598594575

I hope one of these will help my fellow morning-prayer-challenged night people out there as much as this has helped me.  May God bless you on your journey!

On a recent coffee run I saw a sign at a local restaurant located near a major freeway.   “No Public Restroom (Customers Only),” it read.

The sign was posted on the front door where everyone would see it – in fact, that and the hours were the only things posted there.  It reminded me of a church I interviewed with years ago.  The church was having trouble reaching out to younger people, but when teens started hanging around outside the church so they had posted “no skateboarding” signs all over.  “They chip the steps,” I was told.  “Couldn’t you put a concrete repair line item in the budget and welcome them in?”  I asked.  Needless to say, I was not invited to pastor that church.

Isn’t there a way that the restaurant with the “no public restroom” sign could use the traffic to their advantage?

I’ve written previously about some issues we face again and again in the church I pastor.  One of them is a concern about the cost of food and drinks after worship.  “Can’t they eat at home?” some ask.  “What’s wrong with asking for a small donation for food – for those who really want to eat?”

We’ve found that when we don’t charge for things like coffee, snacks, paperback Bibles, devotional books and  sermon CDs, people feel welcomed and loved.  And they come back!  Our family grows and our financial needs are met.

Some time ago, I visited another restaurant – a Round Table Pizza – when I was on the freeway with a child whose bladder was about to explode.  They had a sign that said, “Our restrooms are for everyone.  If you’re not a customer on this visit, we hope that one day you will be.”

• Which sign had more impact?  (Note that I remember that Round Table Pizza restaurant and its sign years later.)
• Who made better use of their chance to interact with the public?
• What model is a better one for Christ’s church to emulate?
• What opportunities might we be missing right now???

When we’re planning an event at the church, someone will almost always say, “What if we advertise it and 5000 people come?  We won’t be able to handle it!”  My usual response is that “It hasn’t happened yet, even when we want to invite the whole community.”

Denny’s took a risk.  A big, expensive risk.  Would anyone come?  Would any of them come back?  What if too many people came and left mad?  What if they got bad press?

The way I see it, they couldn’t lose.  Either a) People would come and enjoy a good breakfast, learning where Denny’s was and what it offered or b) too many would show up making it a big media event – showing priceless images of people lining up around the block to eat at Denny’s.  Either way you win, right?  It was a gutsy move, and they hit a grand slam.  (Sorry, I couldn’t help it.)  I didn’t get a breakfast, but I wasn’t angry – it wasn’t Denny’s fault!

Usually in the church, we play it safe.  That means when we accomplish out goals, not much happens.  What if we tried to be like Denny’s?  After all, our “CEO” rewards those who step out in faith!

It’s kind of like some rechargeable batteries – they become less and less able to hold a charge over time.  More charging and less powering.  I was like that – less able to deal with adversity, less able to recharge, less able to think creatively.  I think the real answer will be a sabbatical in 2010, but for now, I’m taking a break, looking at new habits that will help me to be healthy and effective.

I don’t want to be like a worn out laptop battery, and I’m not planning on allowing myself to get so worn down that I can’t do my job.

If you’ve lost your resiliency – especially if you’re a pastor – it’s worth the effort to recover that ability.  For me this vacation is different than any other I’ve had.  My focus this time isn’t on escaping from my work but on allowing God to renew me, restore me, and transform me.

Jesus says, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”  (Matthew 11:29)  Jesus clearly states that one can wear his yoke andfind rest for one’s soul.  That’s all I’m looking for. 

I’ll let you know how it goes!

I hadn’t realized this until my wife was radio “channel surfing” this morning. She came across a Christian radio station and they mentioned “the Lord Jesus Christ.”

“Is that a CD mom?” he asked.
“No. It’s on the radio.”
“Yeah, but is it the iPod playing over the radio?”
“No, it’s really on the radio. It’s a Christian radio station.”
“It’s about time!” Johnny replied.

My kids have an innate awareness that this isn’t a Christian world in a way that I never did. It will be interesting to see how that affects the way he sees being a follower of Jesus along the way. He’ll probably help me learn to be a pastor in a post-Christian world too.

I put on some recorded hymns as we ate breakfast.  As the boys and I worked on cleaning up the kitchen, the hymn “Come, Labor On” came on.  Now I’ve always wished that that hymn had a better tune.  It sounds like a funeral song, but the words are great.  They speak of our response to God’s grace.  We had already heard “When I Survey the Wondrous Cross” with its line,

Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all

That’s true, and I really feel it.  I personally feel the call to service my Lord with my whole being.  That’s where “Come, Labor On” comes in.

Come, labor on.
Who dares stand idle, on the harvest plain
While all around him waves the golden grain?
And to each servant does the Master say,
“Go work today.”

Come, labor on!
Claim the high calling angels cannot share;
To young and old the Gospel gladness bear;
Redeem the time; its hours too swiftly fly.
The night draws nigh.

Come, labor on!
Away with gloomy doubts and faithless fear!
No arm so weak but may do service here:
Through feeble agents, may we all fulfill
God's righteous will.

Come, labor on!
No time for rest, till glows the western sky,
Till the long shadows o’er our pathway lie,
And a glad sound comes with the setting sun,
“Well done, well done!”

Taken the wrong way, this hymn might sound like we have to earn the love of God. But that’s not what it means at all. God’s love for us and self-giving for us in Jesus Christ is secure.  Now, God has chosen to use us to do his work. And serving in God’s fields, bringing Good News and joy to others is generally pleasant work. Also, there’s nothing like the feeling that God is pleased with you – “Well done! Well done!”

It always puzzles me when others I meet don’t feel the same desire to serve the Lord. If you don’t know him, I get it. But when Christians say that they’re through serving God or too busy to serve, or it’s not a priority, it confuses me. I can understand saying, “I really want to serve God, but I can’t figure out how to do it with the kids and the job, etc.” That I understand. Sometimes, people need permission to rest a bit! Or a different way to serve that they haven’t considered yet. The song has a word for that too: “No arm so weak but may do service here.” Anyone who desires to serve God can do so.

Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all.

I know this because I just did my old weight program at the gym for the first time in just about a year.  Now I could make plenty of excuses.  I stopped last year because I got sick a few times in a row (thanks to kids and preschool).  Then I had to work at the preschool during one of my two times available for the gym.  And then we had a baby.

But those aren’t the real reasons.  I just got out of the habit.  It happens.  I used to have the same problem with church (now I’m pretty motivated to be there   You’re in a good groove and then something happens to interrupt the routine.  Even if it’s a really good thing to do – maybe especially when it’s a really good thing to do – it’s hard to get back into the routine.  And the time just gets away from you.

I’ve finally come to a point where I need to get my exercise so I believe I’ll do it.  I guess that’s the secret.  You really have to internalize the desire to achieve a goal or to have something good in you life in order to make the effort again and again.

So I faced it.  I dealt with the ground I’ve lost in a year.  And I’m ready to go back!

Do you have any good habits that have gotten away from you?  Let me know…

“Ye know not what ye ask.” Matthew 20:22
There are times in spiritual life when there is confusion, and it is no way out to say that there ought not to be confusion. It is not a question of right and wrong, but a question of God taking you by a way which in the meantime you do not understand, and it is only by going through the confusion that you will get at what God wants.
(You can read the whole devotional at myutmost.org)

I understand that confusion thing.  My life as a pastor and the life of the church I serve are both a bit confusing right now.  Along with some amazing things that are happening, there are some other things happening that are really confusing.  Things are complicated…

I’ve prayed about it, and I have felt reassured.  God seems to be saying that we will be transformed by this confusing journey.  I will be transformed as a pastor – growing into what I am meant to be.  And our church will be transformed as well – letting go of our fear and growing into the mission we have been given.  But first, we have to go through the confusing time and see, in time, how God comes through or us.  In that way, we’ll learn faith – both the church and I will.

God has done this before and I expect that God will do it again.  In the middle of it, it’s confusing and stressful.  Later, it’s clear and peaceful.  I believe that God will continue to do this until it’s not stressful for the church or for me – until we can trust not only after the confusion is resolved, but in the midst of it.  OK, God.  Your will be done!

Sometimes my kids are exhausting too. They have places they need to be. They want to run and play. They make messes. The baby is clingy. That’s all tiring. But it’s great too!

My wife needs help, and the house needs work. But it’s amazing that I am married to Eleanor. She’s incredible. And we now have a house that’s big enough for our kids. I’m grateful for that too.

Some things in life aren’t the result of blessings. I won’t list those, but we all have them. There are things in life that we have to deal with and we may never know why. Still, even when I’m dealing with those things, it helps to focus on the blessings God has given me in my life. I, my family, and our church have truly been blessed, and I am grateful. Tired and grateful.

As we sang on Sunday morning, “Come, thou fount of every blessing!  Tune my heart to sing thy grace.  Streams of mercy, never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise.”

Edith Whitney at 102

My grandmother died almost two weeks ago now at 102, and I now have the bittersweet task of officiating at her memorial service.  My grandmother didn’t have an easy life.  As a polio survivor, her reaction time was slow and her sense of balance was unreliable.  She lived with a lot of pain at various points in her life.  But her faith kept her going.

Sometimes as a pastor, I find myself trying to package the good news of the gospel in ways that people can hear it.  So many words we use have been co-opted or redefined in ways that turn them into bad news.  But the truth can be so very simple.  My grandmother made it simple.  In a journal my sister gave her there was a place to fill in “something I would like you to know about me.”  Here’s what she led with:

I found Jesus.  Without Him, life would have no meaning.  Someday He will come for me and I will go to my real home.  Don’t grieve for me, but rejoice for I will now be happy. No more pain, tears nor handicaps.

It was so simple for her.  She never doubted that she would step out of this life and into the waiting arms of the Lord when her day came.  Now it has come.  We will shed our tears because there is a hole now in the place she held in our lives.  But she is now free.  Her pain is gone.  Her tears have been wiped away.  I can be happy for her and miss her terribly at the same time.

Please pray for me as I lead the memorial service this Saturday.  It is an honor but also a difficult task.

Right now in our church, we have people hurting, someone dying, people grieving (including me and my family for the loss of my grandma), people struggling to make it financially, people in difficult relationships, people with ongoing health problems and pain…  Lots of stuff.  And I’m finding it harder to handle than it ws five years ago.  The thing is that these aren’t just “people I know.”  They’re friends and part of my church family.  When your family is suffering, you hurt too.

Now the trick to dealing with all of this is to realize that I am not really the shepherd.  I can reach out, but I can’t heal people’s pain.  Only the real shepherd, Jesus himself, can do that.  I try to offer my hurting friends and family to Jesus for his care.  But he hasn’t made me of stone so it hurts along the way.

Even Jesus himself cried, so I know that I’m not doing it wrong.  People teach “detachment” and “strong boundaries,” but if they keep us from loving and connecting with people, they’re not from God.  Still, even Jesus had to face situations in which people he loved wouldn’t receive him (e.g., Mark 10:17-22)

I’m hurting right now, but only because I’ve allowed myself to care about people.  I do not believe that a life free of pain because it’s free of caring is worthy of a Christian – particularly a pastor.  Pain comes with the job and so does joy, in its season.

They started with some basic, practical ideas.  We’d like to have some younger people in the church.  We’d like to be able to meet our current budget.  (They church was a long way from that back in 2003 and was using a bequest to make up the shortfall.)  We need a new generation of leaders.  Then the big dreams started – we’d like to have an associate pastor.  We need a new church building – but let’s keep the existing one too.

Everyone was excited about those ideas then.  But it hadn’t occurred to me that part of the reason dreaming is fun is that the dream is not going to become real.  You don’t have to deal with the details, the scary parts, or what you might lose if the dream came true…

What’s happened at our church is that it looks like we will actually need a larger space in the not-so-distant future.  What will we do?  Dreams are a lot of fun.  Solving real space, staffing, and budget problems is real work!  Our church leadership will have to be very careful to bring along the whole congregation as we work toward being the church we’re called to be!

Here’s the connection.  Thinking about my poor soon who couldn’t keep liquids down for a full 24 hours, I prayed that we would have the kind of thankfulness that you have when you’ve been coughing for weeks and can finally breathe freely or the kind of thankfulness that you experience afetr getting over the stomach flu and can finally eat and drink again.  We get a glimpse of it and then promptly go back to beign dissatisfied with whatever we’re prone to be dissatisfied with.

I am on the road to fresh thankfulness for being able to eat, drink, and think clearly once again!  I pray that it will last a bit longer before I get back to financial, child rearing, and church future concerns again.  Hey, may I won’t go back at all!

My Dad suggested taking a trip to the channel at the end of the lake – maybe a mile.  There’s a state park there and we could row into it.  That sounded like fun so after dinner one night, we went out.  We started out playfully, following the shoreline around to the channel, but it took longer than I expected, and night was falling.  Stubborn Determined person that I am, I decided to go all the way anyway.  So we went all the way.

By the time I started back, the sun was behind the mountains and a wind had come up.  I didn’t want to be out on the lake at night without a light – invisible to the motor boats on the lake so I had to get back.  I decided it would be faster to head straight across the width of the lake rather than follow the shore, and I began to row as fast as I could.

In the middle of the lake, the waves were significantly bigger, and for a moment, I was concerned that my foolish plan had endangered my boys.  But they were never worried because Daddy was in the boat with them.  Fortunately, we made it back to the dock in plenty of time and without any incidents.

I found myself thinking about Jesus’ disciples going for a similar boat ride with him (See Mark 8:23-27.)  A storm came up and the disciples got scared.  I think I would have also.  Jesus was sleeping, not rowing.  But I believe that the point of the story was that if Jesus is in the boat with you, you don’t have to be afraid, as my sons were unafraid to be in the boat with me.  The good news is that the one in the boat with us isn’t just a decent kayaker, he’s the one who has the power to calm the seas!

July 18th’s morning reading from Morning and Evening:

“They shall go hindmost with their standards.” — Numbers 2:31

The camp of Dan brought up the rear when the armies of Israel were on the march. The Danites occupied the hindmost place, but what mattered the position, since they were as truly part of the host as were the foremost tribes; they followed the same fiery cloudy pillar, they ate of the same manna, drank of the same spiritual rock, and journeyed to the same inheritance. Come, my heart, cheer up, though last and least; it is thy privilege to be in the army, and to fare as they fare who lead the van. Some one must be hindmost in honour and esteem, some one must do menial work for Jesus, and why should not I? In a poor village, among an ignorant peasantry; or in a back street, among degraded sinners, I will work on, and “go hindmost with my standard.”

The Danites occupied a very useful place. Stragglers have to be picked up upon the march, and lost property has to be gathered from the field. Fiery spirits may dash forward over untrodden paths to learn fresh truth, and win more souls to Jesus; but some of a more conservative spirit may be well engaged in reminding the church of her ancient faith, and restoring her fainting sons. Every position has its duties, and the slowly moving children of God will find their peculiar state one in which they may be eminently a blessing to the whole host.

The rear guard is a place of danger.There are foes behind us as well as before us. Attacks may come from any quarter. We read that Amalek fell upon Israel, and slew some of the hindmost of them. The experienced Christian will find much work for his weapons in aiding those poor doubting, desponding, wavering, souls, who are hindmost in faith, knowledge, and joy. These must not be left unaided, and therefore be it the business of well-taught saints to bear their standards among the hindmost. My soul, do thou tenderly watch to help the hindmost this day.

There are some big churches who seem to be marching in to conquer the Promised Land with great resources,  filled with capable people who seem to have it all together.  But many of us smaller churches find ourselves in the tribe of Dan’s position – bringing up the rear and gathering those who have wandered away or who have been left behind in the march. We have an awful lot of people in our congregation who have been hurt by churches. Welcoming them is a really important calling, and one that smaller churches may be uniquely qualified to handle.

It may not be glamorous, but Jesus had different ideas about position and status than we do. In Matthew 19:30, he tells us that “many who are last will be first and many who are first will be last.”  I believe that helping those who have been left behind by those ahead is something Jesus celebrates.

I don’t want to cool the neighborhood!  (Of course I took engineering thermodynamics so I know that we’re actually creating more heat in the neighborhood, but that’s beside the point.)

Are you familiar with any of these classics?

In or out!
Don’t just stand there in the doorway!
You’re letting all the cool air out?

If you know others, feel free to comment.

But even as I face the inevitability of becoming my own father, I’m thinking about what it means to become like my Heavenly Father…  Is that as inevitable?  I thought my dad was nuts with his obsession with turning off light switches, demanding that the refrigerator stay closed, and all the energy around keeping the back door closed.  But I now see the wisdom of it – or the necessity of it.

Some of what God tells us to do has seemed unnecessary to me in the past – some of it’s still confusing.  But many other things have gone from being annoying to wise and helpful.  Much as I have become like my earthly father in many ways, I now hope to become more and more like my Heavenly Father as God helps me to grow in wisdom.  That’s probably the best thing that could happen to my wife and kids too!  But I’ll still be making sure the the door stays closed. 

The last time this happened, I had a talk with Josh.  Since he knows that it’s wrong, why does he keep doing it?  “Dad, could you put the crayons up high where I can’t reach them?” he asked.

I wish most adults were so wise!  When you’re experiencing temptation and falling for it again and again, the best thing you can do is to either get it away from you or get yourself away from it!  Joshua has uncommon wisdom for a three-year-old.  Hopefully more of us will learn from Joshua and deal with the things that cause us to stumble by “putting the crayons up high”!

Anyway, in the business world it was the same deal with the water cooler.  If you didn’t want to install a new bottle of water, don’t be the one to empty the cooler!

Well someone finally solved that problem.  This new water cooler sucks water out of the air, runs it through ultraviolet light to purify it, chills it, and then serves it up!  Five gallons per day.  Who wouldda thunk it?

This is even better than Tammy Faye’s air-conditioned doghouse!

Disclaimer: I have no financial interest in the company and do not recommend that you purchase this item

Have you thought of starting a new (small) church? I love the idea of small churches being so appealing that they multiply like bunnies.

It’s really a reasonable thing to think about too – a different model for ministry.  Assuming that God continues to bring growth, there will probably come a time when our church would make the decision to start a new church rather than growing endlessly…

In fact, someone who has been through a similar transition with a church suggested that we consider allowing the older people to have their more traditional church and taking the younger people to start anew church.  But we believe we are called to be a multigenerational church – which is counter-cultural and not the easiest way to grow a church in a world where many seek “instant community” through a common context.

You could still split a church to form two small churches that could seek to serve God in their own separate ways.  I think if we served a large geographic area, that would be a very wise thing to do. But right now, I think we want to stay together and gro together.  Also, we have a pretty big vision.  We see more unmet need in our community than we have resources to address.  We have more ideas for ways to help people grow and serve than we have people to lead them.  And we have have yet to reach a critical mass of younger families and young adults.  We thank God for the pioneers who don’t have to be part of a larger group, but we know that people are more comfortable in a community when there are others their age in the mix.  We strive for diversity and also for enough people that people can also find others who share things in common with them.  (Right now, several parents are helping each other with childcare, for example.)

So I won’t rule it out, but I don’t think that we’re being called to start another small church right now.  It will be very interesting to see what God does.

For those who are interested, we decided yesterday to start a Sunday evening worship service at 5:00 p.m., followed immediately by the Alpha Course (at least for the first 12 weeks).

“There’s nothing to do!”

“You could ride your scooter or kick the soccer ball or pull weeds or throw your rocket football or play hide-and-seek with your brother or ride your bike or play with the hula hoop or look for bugs.”

“That’s boring.”

We have a great yard right now and a nice patio, and plenty of toys for the kids to play with. But they stop seeing that and see anything familiar as “boring.”

As I was thinking about how sad that was, I realized that I do the same thing! I focus on whatever is missing in my life at this moment and forget or discount the blessings that God has provided in my life.  Just like Johnny!

This morning, I asked the congregation to think about their blessings and then asked how many had thought of something that hadn’t recognized as a blessing before.  In one service, a bunch of people raised their hands.  In the other, almost none.

We have a choice.  We can be thankful for the blessings we have or we can decide that they’re

“boring” and concentrate on what’s not right.  It’s a matter

of an “attitude of gratitude,” and life’s a lot more pleasant and satisfying that way.

You can read an article on my talk “Pastor Advocates Speedboat Ministry” at the Presbyterian Outlook Website.  Feel free to comment!  The comments on this site were broken, but KC Wahe clued me in and they’re fixed now.

Our church has experienced a lot of growth lately and we’re having growing pains.  That’s partly because our building is way too small.  It was built in a time when a) churches didn’t have parking lots – they expected to fill the whole property with buildings and b) neighborhood churches were the thing.  There was a plan for a bigger building across what is now grass and parking lot, (it would never be approved under current building codes), but the small “chapel” that was built first was the only worship space that ever made it off the drawing board.  On Christmas Eve or Easter or at the memorial service of a beloved person we can fit 144 people in the pews (6 per small pew), but nobody will sit at that density the rest of the time.  The more realistic four per pew yields 96.  The subtract the first three pews that nobody wants to sit in (maybe they don’t think I bathe) and you have 72.

We almost always have more than 72 people.  Adding the Trinity Cafe, our video venue with coffee and snacks, we can get 120 people on a good Sunday at our 9:00 service.  At 11:00, people don’t sit in the cafe so it’s stuck at about 100 tops.

So we need to do something to make space to grow God’s family!  How do you do that in a small building?  The simplest plan is to add another worship service.  That means either reworking the Sunday morning schedule and maybe shrinking the existing services and fellowship time to make it all fit.  Or it could mean installing seating that would allow more people in the same space (you can fit 20% more people in separate chairs than you can in pews).  Or it could mean moving an existing worship service off site to a bigger space.

The things least likely to mess up what we’ve got going already are adding a new evening worship service and changing the seating in our sanctuary.  Adding a service is a big commitment and it requires a number of committed people to keep it going.  Buying new chairs is expensive (maybe $20,000 to get 150 nice-looking, comfortable seats with wooden legs that hook together).  I find both of those daunting – mostly because the needed resources are out of my control.

There’s that word again!  We’re called to make leaps of faith and to allow God to do great things, but God rarely writes the plans in the clouds of the sky or delivers the plan engraved in stone tablets.

We meet tomorrow to see what the group’s discernment (fancy theological word for looking for God’s will) has been.  We may be able to make a decision and then move ahead with making it happen.  I’ll keep you posted.

What we’re not going to do is sit idly by and allow the momentum that God has provided to die.  We do not plan to “quench the Spirit.”  We will do something and it will be risky.  But – whether it succeeds wildly or fizzles – God will be there with us.

If you read this, please pray for us (and me personally) as we step out in faith!  Where are you headed, Lord?  We want to follow you there!

I preached about waiting for God on Sunday.  Then as I was feeling frustrated today about a couple of things, I happened to hear two different people on the car radio at two different times talking about waiting on God…  And about how we can’t do anything of consequence under our own power.  I got the message…  at least for today.

I woke up today with “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” in my head, but I didn’t get the message until just now.  “What a friend we have in Jesus!  All our sins and griefs to bear.  What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.  Oh, what grief we often forfeit!  Oh, what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.”  How many things are you trying to force in life?  Try handing them over to God – it’s great!  Sure I keep trying to pick them back up, but you can always hand them over to God again.  Hopefully you’ll get the message faster than I did. 

It’s a good day.

This makes me feel a lot better about the various sicknesses that some of our church kids passed around recently.  You see, as it turns out, going to church is good for kids’ immune systems!  Do you think the New York Times will write about it? Maybe we should put it in our church visior brochure!

So last night, I was trying to figure out what “I need to do to fix this.”  That usually leads me to a bad place emotionally and spiritually so I thought it would be great to get up early with Eleanor and pray.  But I didn’t.

When I did get up, I was focused on all of the things everyone needed to do.  But in the background of my mind was a message I hadn’t noticed.  The kids at church had sung a song for Mother’s Day on Sunday, and it was running in the back of my mind, as a soundtrack for my own internal conversation.  “Our God is a great big God.  Our God is a great big God.  Our God is a great big God and he holds us in his hands.”

God has a plan, and God will hold our church and me as we move ahead in the things that God has planned for us.

I sure understand that.  I don’t know what it is about me that makes me struggle against what God wants for me.  I will have a sense that God is leading me in a particular direction and there’s a part of me that will immediately go the other direction.  I did it in a big way when I was running away from the call to vocational ministry.  Now I do it in smaller ways.

The common thread is that whatever God is calling me to is always better than the alternative plan I have in mind.  Once I finally give up on fighting God, once I agree with or submit to or am reconciled withGod, there is peace.  It always works out better too.  Even when I can’t figured out how it could possibly work out beforehand.

Maybe you can be wiser than I am: ”Agree with God, and be at peace; in this way good will come to you.”

Last night (April 30), our long-haired miniature dachshund, Myra escaped from the back yard.  When we realized it late last night, I went searching for her in the neighborhood and after about 45 minutes, found her across Jefferson Blvd. (a busy, highway-like street with 4 lanes).  She had been hit by a car and killed – instantly from the looks of it.

Myra has been with Eleanor and me for 14 years (9 of them before we had any children).  When Eleanor and I had known each other for just three years, Myra joined our family.  We’ve lived in five different places together, and it’s really hard to see her go.  We knew that she would die one day – maybe even soon – but this sudden, violent death is a little hard to deal with.

I thought it would be fitting to offer a Myra retrospective here.  She got her name because I insisted that if we got a tiny little dog, she would need a joke name.  Hence she was christened Oscar Myra Wienerdog – Myra for short and O. Myra on official documents.  The pictures below capture a bit of who she was.  In order, there are a picture of her as a puppy from an early 1994 webcam in my Silicon Graphics office, Myra’s glamour shot taken by a fellow student while we were in seminary, Myra on the beach, Myra the french fry (any human food, really) thief, Myra the measuring stick that tracked the growth of all three of our children as babies, and finally a white-muzzled Myra in 2008, exhausted after Johnny’s little friends went home from his birthday party.

Now we’ll finally have to learn how to clean up food spills around the table, and I’ll have to figure out how to keep myself company after the kids go to sleep. The house just seems a little bit darker and less friendly tonight.

Myra, you were a member of our family.  We will miss you.

I knew that I needed to do it, but I sure didn’t like the idea of standing in front of a whole group of people and talking about sex.  Heck, I don’t want to talk to a small group of people about sex.  And my parents were there too!

So I did it anyway, and I have to tell you, I haven’t been this uncomfortable preaching for years.  But at the same time, I knew that it was important and good.

What really made me nervous was the idea that people would become angry and defensive.  Or that they’d hear me as telling them that they had to clean up their lives to earn God’s love.  I didn’t want to sound condemning, but I wanted to speak God’s truth about what God wants for our lives.

I was amazed to get good feedback from people.  Several people told me that what I had to say was helpful and that they were trying to work on things but weren’t sure how.  One person shared feedback with me that I knowwill improve a marriage.  Another person bought the book I recommended and is looking for a group to discuss it in.

God was amazingly gracious and worked through my nervous obedience to do some very cool things.  Now what was I afraid of?

If you have a half hour free, you can listen at http://www.trinitywestsac.org/podcast/archives/94

I am learning more and more that I can trust that when God calls us to something, it may be difficult, but God works powerfully through it, and the fruits that come from the action are good.

One of this year’s speakers was Brennan Manning, author of The Ragamuffin Gospel.  After sharing his rough, broken story and sharing God’s love with us, he gave us homework.  I’d like to challenge you to try it.

The Challenge:

Take 20-30 minutes to pray over the following four Bible passages.  Be sure to read them enough times, to let them soak in, and to see how God speaks to your heart…

• Isaiah 43:1-5
• Hebrews 4:14-16
• 1 John 4:16-19
• Psalm 103 (in this one, note that the Hebrew meaning of “fearing” God means to stand in awe of God’s power, goodness, and incredible love)

I found the experience very powerful.  See what you experience and share it in a comment if you want to.

HT: KC Wahe

Now, that isn’t a license to do whatever you want and to run rough-shod over people. What I believe he meant was that a pastor is called on to do what’s right and what God calls him/her to do, and that sometimes isn’t popular.

What the people wants isn’t always what God wants. The Bible is full of stories about how God spoke to one person or a small group and then did things that nobody thought were possible.

What brought this up for me tonight is that Tom Smith – our Wednesday ministry speaker – was talking about Moses receiving the Law up on Mount Sinai and what was happening below. While Moses was up getting the rules God wanted the people to live by during their time in the wilderness, the people – including their high priest – were making and worshiping a golden calf.

Moses was furious! Why did Moses’ brother Aaron make a golden calf for the people to worship?

“Do not be angry, my lord,” Aaron answered. “You know how prone these people are to evil. They said to me, ‘Make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.’ So I told them, ‘Whoever has any gold jewelry, take it off.’ Then they gave me the gold, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf!” Exodus 32:22-24

The people asked him to so he did. Is that a good reason? Is that the right way to do ministry? No way.

We always struggle with the gift issue.  Eleanor wants to have a “no gifts” party, and I imagine what that would feel like for the kids.  They bring presents to all of their friends’ parties.  Is it fair for them not to get any?

But the kids always behave a bit worse after the deluge of new toys.  It doesn’t take them long to start acting spoiled.  How much is enough?

The culture we live in says that there’s no such thing as “enough.”  More is always better.  But the Good $ense budget class that we offer a couple of times a year at the church suggests that we should “drive a stake in the ground” and decide that enough is enough.

The Bible comes out on the Good $ense side:  2 Corinthians 9:8 says, “And God is able to provide you with every blessing in abundance, so that by always having enough of everything, you may share abundantly in every good work.”

Next year we may make the party “gifts optional” in hopes of reducing the number without completely cheating the kids.