Undercover Pastor

Lately, as my kids have been getting bigger, I’ve noticed that t least one of them seems to be doing something I have an objection to almost all of the time. Johnny’s throwing a ball up to the ceiling and Joshua’s jumping off of a chair, or somebody’s pulling a pen out of the desk, or someone’s got their face pressed up against the window (leaving a mark, of course)… Some little annoying thing.

I could just stay on them all the time – telling them “don’t do that,” “stop it!” “put it back” over and over and over…

Now I’m not recommending laissez-faire parenting. But I realized couple of days ago, that I don’t have to do that. I can let some of this little stuff go. Otherwise, the kids will just learn to tune me out. Then when something big comes, they won’t even hear me. Not to mention that it’s hard to feel loved by someone who’s always criticizing you about something.

Another thing Eleanor and I do is to focus on whatever issue is most pressing at the time. We currently have zero tolerance on a habit Joshua has developed. When we tell Johnny not to do something, Johnny immediately does it. Right now, it’s straight to “time out” every time he does it.

It occurs to me that this is the same way the Holy Spirit works on us. God could easily say no to me every second or two for some action or thought. But instead God seems to focus on one area in our lives at a time. One day something seems OK and the next day the Holy Spirit is on it until it’s gone.

Kind of nice that God doesn’t beat us up as often as would be justified. It’s a lot easier to feel loved this way, and I don’t have to crawl into a hole and hide feeling like there’s no hope. There is hope as long as God is working.

This one speaks for itself.

Isaiah 41:10 - ”So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

I just had a couple of weeks of vacation.  Some of it was spent working on our house, but some of it was spent at my grandma’s cabin on Donner Lake.

At four-and-a-half years old, my son Johnny has reached the stage in his development where he works furiously to create indestructible sandcastles.  he had a great one going one afternoon.

“The water wins all battles,” I told Johnny.  “We can delay it for a while, but eventually the water wins.”

Johnny didn’t believe it.  He put a tree branch in place and dug a moat to catch the water- pretty good civil engineering for someone who isn’t five yet.  And it looked pretty good.

When we returned the next morning, some of the castle was still there!  But we happened to witness the moment when the waves wiped out the castle.  Because we had talked about it, it wasn’t crushing to Johnny.  He seemed to have a moment of enlightenment…

Johnny’s predicament came to me when I was thinking about my own situation.  God has been inviting me to trust and encouraging me to spend more time in prayer.  But something inside me resists.  I know that I can trust God, and I make decisions according to that belief, but I still feel the stress.  It occurred to me that I am expending huge amounts of energy to hold God back – just like Johnny’s engineering efforts to keep the water away from his castle.  For some reason, I am working hard to reinforce my castle’s defenses.

God really does win all battles.  All I can do is resist in a futile effort to keep God from redecorating the beach.  What would it be like to trust so completely that if God wanted to wipe out a sandcastle in my life, I would be OK with it?  I can imagine it – and sometimes, I can live it – but much of the time, I cause myself unnecessary hardship by resisting God.  What a waste of energy and what needless wear and tear on my body and mind!  All you can do trying to stop God is hurt yourself.

I am going to work on letting go…  on allowing God to redesign the landscape as He sees fit and save my energy for more important things like ministry and spending time with my wife and kids.

Want to join me?  Leave a comment.

I have seen so many people give up on an idea before they even begin to pursue it.  Why?  Because they don’t have the solution to all of the problems they can imagine in the first ten minutes.  “We can’t afford it.”  “What about liability?”  “I don’t have time for it.”  “What if ______ happens?”

You’ll never get out of the starting gate that way.  At least play with ideas.  Consider them.  Work on them.  Maybe there are too many problems, but you may come up with the right idea while pursuing the “wrong” one.

Allow yourself some space to explore!

Well, the home projects haven’t been completed yet.  The concrete contractor who needs to replace three panels of our new patio hasn’t done the demo yet (I’m withholding his name for now, assuming that he’s going to make good on his promises.)  I can’t finish the back sprinklers or the stucco repair until he’s done with his demo.  The materials for our dining room floor – which were supposed to arrive Monday or Tuesday haven’t arrived so we can’t schedule that.  And as you saw in the last post, we didn’t finish the ones we’re doing by ourselves either!

The house we wanted to make an offer on is still on the market, but we don’t have a time-frame for any of this, and it’s all a bit crazy.

God says, “Be still and know that I am God.”  (Psalm 46:10)

I say, “How does that help me get this stuff done in time?”

God says, “What do you mean, in time?”

“If we don’t get all of these things done, we won’t be able to get our house!”

“What makes you think that’s your house?  I have plenty of houses, and you’ll get what you need,” God answers.

“OK, but this concrete guy was supposed to fix this a long time ago.  He’s not standing up to what he said he’d do, and I only had one vacation week to do all my projects to get us ready.”

“You’re not listening.  I have this under control.  Trust me.”

“OK.  I’ll let it go for now.  But you’re going to have to help me.”  Even as I speak this in my mind, I know arrogant that is.  God doesn’t have to do anything.  But if God is asking me to trust, God will come through.  I can count on that.  Still, I need help to feel it.

I’ll let you know how it goes!

I was getting ready to blog on all the projects we’ve been doing this week while I have time off from my job at the church – at least that was what I planned to write about until disaster struck.  We’re considering buying a new house (pray for lower interest rates!) and we need to get this house ready to sell or rent.  So this week, we had an impressive list of repairs and clean-up jobs to work on.

And we have finished some of them!  We bought and installed a new stove; we chose and ordered new flooring for the dining room; we removed, fixed, and reinstalled a sticking sliding door; we planted climbing plants and installed trellises on the back patio; we built and installed a top cover for the bathroom medicine cabinet so the wiring is safely enclosed; and we had begun some other projects such as painting, drywall taping, and stucco repair.  The list was actually a bit too long, and I’m doing a wedding this week so we were a bit stressed.

But that was nothing.  Just after lunch, Eleanor was resting and I was reading something on the computer when Johnny came in covered in paint.  I went outside to find that he had opened a gallon of white primer in the garage and used two Frisbees to bring paint out to the lawn to put it on the door Eleanor had been painting.  There was a huge puddle of paint in the garage and our new patio was covered with multiple trails of paint between the garage and the lawn.  He had also painted several things along the way.  I wish I had taken a picture of it, but we were really concerned about getting the paint cleaned up fast before too much of it dried.  Paint dries fast when it’s 102 degrees out.

We spent all afternoon with scrub brushes, dish soap, and a pressure washer trying to get back to where we were yesterday, and we’re not there yet.

Are Eleanor and I frustrated?  Oh yeah.  Am I upset and disappointed with my son who went and did a bunch of things we’ve repeatedly told him not to do?  Sure.

But sometimes, something that pushes you so far that it’s completely impossible to execute your plans is a little bit freeing.  When our goal was still in sight, I was feeling a lot of stress about executing according to plan.  Now, even if we make no mistakes, we can’t finish it all in the time we have so I can be free!

Now I have to rely on God to get me through this.  The idea that I was in control was an illusion in the first place and now it’s been dispelled.  Will I sleep better tonight with everything shot to pieces than I did last night when we were on track?  I’ll have to let you know.  Part of me is experiencing the freedom and another part is struggling to regain control.  It’s too soon to tell which will win.

Some people live in that reality all the time.  In truth, we rely on God’s power and grace and just to get through every day.  Some people who live with big challenges are in touch with that all the time.  I personally am not always aware of it, but I am today.

I saw a friend’s KC Wahe’s nerd test score so I decided to try it myself.  I guess I didn’t waste all that time I spent getting my computer science master’s degree and writing computer operating system code before I went to seminary.  It’s all paid off.  I have earned the coveted ”nerd god” rating:

Can anyone top that? I wear it proudly as a badge of honor.  (Sadly, I didn’t fake it.)