Undercover Pastor

Guys’ Night
OK. As a new dad, it took me some time to develop the skills for just hanging out with my kids. Fortunately, I developed several ways to “cheat.” I will now share them with you.

My wife wanted to go to her women’s small group at our church, which meant I was watching our boys for about three hours on Wednesday nights.

Eventually, we developed the concept of “Guys’ Night.” Guys’ Night always included going somewhere in the car. This not only takes up time, but it gives them something to look forward to.

1) Kids’ Videos
One very cool thing was our “Blockbuster Rewards” membership. It costs about $10/year and includes one free old movie every month. These are excellent for picking up Clifford the Big Red Dog, Thomas the Tank Engine, Blues’ Clues, The Land Before Time 1 – 23 or so, and other such kids’ videos. You also get a free old movie with every new release Mondays through Wednesdays. Something for you, something for them. I usually close with a big bowl of popcorn, and of course I watch the movie with them. (Occasional comforting may be necessary at the “scary parts.”)

2) Running Errands
Going to “guy” places like Home Depot or Fry’s Electronics works pretty well as an outing. Fry’s has a couple of aisles of kid stuff that you can play with for free. Home Depot has lots of cool tools and hardware – need I say more?

3) Fast Food with kids’ “play lands”
We have a nearby McDonald’s with a one of those kids’ playgrounds with tubes to climb through, etc. For the price of a Happy Meal, or even less if we’ve already had dinner and we split a milkshake, we get at least an hour of fun.

4) IKEA
They recently put in an Ikea in West Sacramento. Yeah, Ikea is a furniture store, but it has toys you can play with, a restaurant with a kids’ area, and lots of big stuff to play in and climb on. Even the carts are fun – all four wheels turn which makes them great for spinning around. They also have 99 cent frozen yogurt cones. They’re a great closer. And, the sugar-induced sleepiness is a good deal.

5) Starbucks
Well, it’s not cheap, but they have $1 kids milk. So if Dad needs a little pick-me-up, the boys love to go to Starbucks, get their milk any way they like it (cold, with ice, steamed, even chocolate if I allow it).

6) The Mall
Going to a mall is a good thing. There’s usually a children’s area, and they often have fun strollers. When one store gets boring (for them or you), you just move on. If you’re feeling like a big spender, you can go to the food court.

7) Advanced Maneuvers
When you’re feeling more comfortable, you can start mixing in more traditional things. Since I have boys, that usually means throwing balls, wrestling, running around, playing with toy trains, or legos along with less gender-specific activities like reading books. This is what’s generally considered “quality time,” but I think that any time dads spend time with their kids – even if it’s chasing them around the video store – is important.

If you read this (which is anything but assured ), leave your suggestions as comments!

OK. I don’t pretend to know what will happen short-term, but Warren Buffett’s method of investing in what you know makes sense to me, and it’s sending me a strong buy signal.

A year or two ago, I started frequenting Starbucks – I did it because there was a Starbucks store in West Sacramento that was open late and had a drive-thru window. This was a trick for Saturday nights when Sunday morning’s sermon just wouldn’t flow. I ordered what has long been my favorite at specialty coffee stores – a mocha.

But here’s what has happened… I have become accustomed to the flavor of Starbucks coffee – it brings me comfort. I started to want it more and more often – to the point where I started tracking it as its own category in Quicken so I can make sure I’m not overspending the budget on it.

And then I found that the name of the drink I order getting longer and longer. I started getting large mochas with half caffeine since I’m mostly off of caffeine but can use some help on Saturday nights. That’s a “venti halfcaf mocha.” Then I decided to fight wight gain a bit so it grew to “venti halfcaf mocha, no whip.” Then I needed to fight harder in the battle of the bulge so now I order it with low-fat milk, which translates to a “venti halfcaf percent mocha, no whip.” This is the magic of Starbucks. People form a relationship with them. I have my drink name in their language. And I hear lots of other people come in with their special drinks – “a grande soy latte, extra hot” or whatever it is. (See a USA Today article on the trend from 2004 – wish I had bought it then!)

Starbucks founder Howard Schultz has been quoted as saying, “We aren’t in the coffee business, serving people. We are in the people business serving coffee.” He’s right. People can’t just go anywhere to get their drink. And there are more ways to personalize it all the time.

When an article came out recently about how high in fat Starbucks drinks can be, they changed their menu board to offer ways to reduce the fat in your drink. What a positive, proactive way to address it! The place keeps reinventing itself as necessary to keep up with its target audience, and the worldwide growth plans are huge.

I’m sold. Or more accurately, my kids are. I bought a few shares of SBUX for each of them. Hopefully in 15 years, they’ll make a dent in the cost of a college education. Sure, the P/E ratio is high, but my boys are in it for the long-haul.

Some parents allow their children to get tattoos at 18. I figured I’d do my best to keep even that from happening, but my son Joshua had other plans at 1-1/2. Every time he gets a hold of a pen, he draws all over himself. Here’s his latest masterpiece.

Yeah, right! Control and perfection are quite elusive in ministry – especially in the kind of organic ministry we do in small churches. Events and programs pretty much never come out as designed – at leats by us. But God always seems to work through whatever happens.

From what I can see, when churches get big enough, they can predict and control the way events and programs play out. I guess if you have enough staff and a large enough population, the rules start to apply. But in my small church ministry experience, that’s rarely the case. Instead, those of us working in smaller churches have to learn to ride the wave of God’s will as it unfolds around and beneath us.

What made me think of this was the joy I found at repairing our vacuum cleaner and clothes dryer this week during my vacation. They were so… controllable! There was a finite amount of work to be done, and I could get as close to perfection as I chose to. The more work I put into cleaning the Link out of the inside of the dryer, the closer I got to a perfect solution to the problem. If I chose to, I could remove the dryer’s drum and get to the lint behind the motor. Or I could choose to be satisfied with cleaning out what I could reach from the front access panel. It was my call.

In ministry, some fraction of it is my call. Part of it depends on what the volunteers in ministry (AKA church members) at our church decide to do and how much they choose to commit themselves. Then there’s another factor – a factor that dwarfs the others… It’s what God is doing. Sometimes, programs utterly fail. And when they do, I can usually see that the timing wasn’t right for them. Other times, things succeed but in a way far from the way I or other leaders intended them to work. Then there are the thing that “shouldn’t” work that work anyway – the cases where people haven’t done the “right” publicity or preparation – but God finds a way to make them work, and people are blessed.

It’s no wonder why so many pastors seem to have hobbies like building model railroads or woodworking. It’s nice to have a place to go where things can actually be completed and where you have a shot at making them come out the way you want them to… But that doesn’t seem to be how ministry is intended to work. And I guess that’s a good thing. I just need to grow into it a little bit more.

Today is the second day of a two week vacation!

I’m still getting used to what vacation means as a pastor. Many of the people I consider friends are a part of the church I serve, and they like to talk about what’s going on there. As it turns out, that’s bad for me. I really need some time when I’m not thinking about what’s happening at the church, taking care of people, planning or trying to resolve problems.

This year is different for two reasons too. Debra Johnston, our church intern, is covering for me this year. That’s great! I know that people will be cared for if something happens. The other thing that’s different is that we’re planning an intergenerational mission trip to Mississippi to help those affected by Hurricane Katrina. There are two big fundraisers while I’m gone. It will be strange to miss them. Also, I am usually a big part of our publicity planning so this is an exercise in letting go.

In the Bible, even the land gets every seventh year off so I know that I’m supposed to have time away. It’s just that because I still care about people and want the best for our church, it can be hard to let go, relax, and focus on my family.

I’ll have to let you know how it goes!