Undercover Pastor

One of my sabbatical goals was to read through the New Testament this summer – the church leadership called it “scriptural immersion.”  I was surprised by my resistance to doing it.  My significant burnout was one factor, but that wasn’t the whole story.

When I started seminary, I read an article that talked about the danger of making Bible-reading and prayer into part of my professional job description rather than a spiritual discipline, but I didn’t expect it to happen to me.

It makes sense.  I used to do computer programming as a hobby – until I started doing that for a living.  Who wants to go home and do more work?  I didn’t.  It was no longer a fun thing I did for myself.

Reading the Bible and even setting aside specific times for prayer were painted with the same brush as church administration, expense reports, newsletter articles, and even preaching.  Stuff I have to do.  As I became more and more burned out, more things moved from the “Things I’m Passionate About” list to the “Things I Have to Do for My Job” list.  At some point, without my realizing it, reading the Bible became something to do because I needed to teach a Bible study or preach.  Not a good place to be if you consider that we don’t live by bread alone but by the Word of God.

God was gracious and gentle with me during that time, but I always had a sense that it wasn’t supposed to be this hard.  Part of the difficulty came from turning the things God intends as a blessing to all Christians into an obligation for a job.

So I didn’t finish reading the New Testament – that felt like an obligation.  But I did get to re-experience the joy of reading the Bible.  I can read any part that strikes my fancy that day.  I can research a topic I’m interested in.  Or I can just experience the comfort of one of my favorite Psalms.

I’m not quite out of detox yet, and it will be a challenge as I re-enter my pastoral role to make sure I don’t slide back into seeing it as an obligation/job requirement.

Anyone have ideas?  Let me know!

My friend Eric gave me a copy of C. H. Spurgeon’s Faith’s Checkbook, and I’ve been using it as a daily devotion lately.  Today I happened to peek ahead at the July 10th entry and thought this was worth sharing.  (It’s in the public domain so copy away!) You can find more at www.eternallifeministries.org/fcb_toc.htm In the meantime, meditate on this:

Love the Church

Thou shalt arise, and have mercy upon Zion: for the time to favor her, yea, the set time, is come. For thy servants take pleasure in her stones, and favor the dust thereof. (Psalm 102:13-14)

Yes, our prayers for the church will be heard. The set time is come. We love the prayer meetings, and the Sunday school, and all the services of the Lord’s house. We are bound in heart to all the people of God and can truly say,

There’s not a lamb in all thy flock
I would disdain to feed
There’s not a foe before whose face
I’d fear thy cause to plead.

If this is the general feeling, we shall soon enjoy times of refreshing horn the presence of the Lord. Our assemblies will be filled, saints will be revived, and sinners will be converted. This can only come of the Lord’s mercy; but it will come, and we are called upon to expect it. The time, the set time, is come. Let us bestir ourselves. Let us love every stone of our Zion, even though it may be fallen down. Let us treasure up the least truth, the least ordinance, the least believer, even though some may despise them as only so much dust. When we favor Zion, God is about to favor her. When we take pleasure in the Lord’s work, the Lord Himself will take pleasure in it.

I have to admit it.  For years, people have talked to me about the importance of morning prayer, of starting out each day by dedicating it – and myself – to God.  I have tried a bunch of times to do it too.  But I find it hard.

Here’s the deal.  I’m not a morning person at all.  I don’t like getting up any earlier than I have to.  I don’t think very clearly in the morning either.  I’ve tried prayer journals and devotional books.  They’re OK, but I still need a lot of discipline and a measure of focus.  I’ve tried the “read the Bible in 365 days” plan too.  It’s great, but my brain doesn’t want to digest that much so early in the morning.

I’ve used devotional books too, including My Utmost for His Highest (Oswald Chambers), Morning and Evening (Charles Spurgeon) and These Days (various authors).  They’re inspirational, but there’s not a lot of Bible or prayer in there – mostly reflection.

What I really need is a prayer leader – my own private prayer service each morning.  So here’s what I’m doing.  Each morning, I’m praying along with a “morning prayer” podcast.  It’s based on the Episcopal Church’s daily office book so it had a Psalm and two Bible readings along with a prayer of confession, a creed, a chance to pray for others, the Lord’s Prayer and a blessing.  It’s also set to music – just the thing for me.  As a good Presbyterian, I pause during the prayer of confession to get a little extra confessing time.  I usually pause during the intercession time too.

It takes me 15-20 minutes for that.  On the good days I can pray and read more as I feel led.  On the bad days, at least I’ve started with prayer!

There are several audio resources available for prayer time with a computer or MP3 player.  Try them and see what works best for you:

Listen or subscribe to the Morning Prayer podcast from the Episcopal Church in Garrett County: www.episcopalchurchingarrettcounty.org/churchonthewebpage.htm

For a reading and reflection Monday through Friday, check out www.pray-as-you-go.org

For a weekly dose of scripture, prayer, music and contemplation, try the Taizé podcast www.taize.fr/podcast

There’s also an audiobook version of Eugene Peterson’s The Message that divides the Bible up into daily doses (with a day off for reflection and catch-up each week): www.amazon.com/Daily-Message-Complete-Bible/dp/1598594575

I hope one of these will help my fellow morning-prayer-challenged night people out there as much as this has helped me.  May God bless you on your journey!

I don’t like waiting at all. It’s annoying. And then there’s all that uncertainty.

I preached about waiting for God on Sunday.  Then as I was feeling frustrated today about a couple of things, I happened to hear two different people on the car radio at two different times talking about waiting on God…  And about how we can’t do anything of consequence under our own power.  I got the message…  at least for today.

I woke up today with “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” in my head, but I didn’t get the message until just now.  “What a friend we have in Jesus!  All our sins and griefs to bear.  What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.  Oh, what grief we often forfeit!  Oh, what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.”  How many things are you trying to force in life?  Try handing them over to God – it’s great!  Sure I keep trying to pick them back up, but you can always hand them over to God again.  Hopefully you’ll get the message faster than I did.