I hadn’t realized this until my wife was radio “channel surfing” this morning. She came across a Christian radio station and they mentioned “the Lord Jesus Christ.”

“Is that a CD mom?” he asked.
“No. It’s on the radio.”
“Yeah, but is it the iPod playing over the radio?”
“No, it’s really on the radio. It’s a Christian radio station.”
“It’s about time!” Johnny replied.

My kids have an innate awareness that this isn’t a Christian world in a way that I never did. It will be interesting to see how that affects the way he sees being a follower of Jesus along the way. He’ll probably help me learn to be a pastor in a post-Christian world too.

My Dad suggested taking a trip to the channel at the end of the lake – maybe a mile.  There’s a state park there and we could row into it.  That sounded like fun so after dinner one night, we went out.  We started out playfully, following the shoreline around to the channel, but it took longer than I expected, and night was falling.  Stubborn Determined person that I am, I decided to go all the way anyway.  So we went all the way.

By the time I started back, the sun was behind the mountains and a wind had come up.  I didn’t want to be out on the lake at night without a light – invisible to the motor boats on the lake so I had to get back.  I decided it would be faster to head straight across the width of the lake rather than follow the shore, and I began to row as fast as I could.

In the middle of the lake, the waves were significantly bigger, and for a moment, I was concerned that my foolish plan had endangered my boys.  But they were never worried because Daddy was in the boat with them.  Fortunately, we made it back to the dock in plenty of time and without any incidents.

I found myself thinking about Jesus’ disciples going for a similar boat ride with him (See Mark 8:23-27.)  A storm came up and the disciples got scared.  I think I would have also.  Jesus was sleeping, not rowing.  But I believe that the point of the story was that if Jesus is in the boat with you, you don’t have to be afraid, as my sons were unafraid to be in the boat with me.  The good news is that the one in the boat with us isn’t just a decent kayaker, he’s the one who has the power to calm the seas!

I don’t want to cool the neighborhood!  (Of course I took engineering thermodynamics so I know that we’re actually creating more heat in the neighborhood, but that’s beside the point.)

Are you familiar with any of these classics?

In or out!
Don’t just stand there in the doorway!
You’re letting all the cool air out?

If you know others, feel free to comment.

But even as I face the inevitability of becoming my own father, I’m thinking about what it means to become like my Heavenly Father…  Is that as inevitable?  I thought my dad was nuts with his obsession with turning off light switches, demanding that the refrigerator stay closed, and all the energy around keeping the back door closed.  But I now see the wisdom of it – or the necessity of it.

Some of what God tells us to do has seemed unnecessary to me in the past – some of it’s still confusing.  But many other things have gone from being annoying to wise and helpful.  Much as I have become like my earthly father in many ways, I now hope to become more and more like my Heavenly Father as God helps me to grow in wisdom.  That’s probably the best thing that could happen to my wife and kids too!  But I’ll still be making sure the the door stays closed. 

The last time this happened, I had a talk with Josh.  Since he knows that it’s wrong, why does he keep doing it?  “Dad, could you put the crayons up high where I can’t reach them?” he asked.

I wish most adults were so wise!  When you’re experiencing temptation and falling for it again and again, the best thing you can do is to either get it away from you or get yourself away from it!  Joshua has uncommon wisdom for a three-year-old.  Hopefully more of us will learn from Joshua and deal with the things that cause us to stumble by “putting the crayons up high”!

“There’s nothing to do!”

“You could ride your scooter or kick the soccer ball or pull weeds or throw your rocket football or play hide-and-seek with your brother or ride your bike or play with the hula hoop or look for bugs.”

“That’s boring.”

We have a great yard right now and a nice patio, and plenty of toys for the kids to play with. But they stop seeing that and see anything familiar as “boring.”

As I was thinking about how sad that was, I realized that I do the same thing! I focus on whatever is missing in my life at this moment and forget or discount the blessings that God has provided in my life.  Just like Johnny!

This morning, I asked the congregation to think about their blessings and then asked how many had thought of something that hadn’t recognized as a blessing before.  In one service, a bunch of people raised their hands.  In the other, almost none.

We have a choice.  We can be thankful for the blessings we have or we can decide that they’re

“boring” and concentrate on what’s not right.  It’s a matter

of an “attitude of gratitude,” and life’s a lot more pleasant and satisfying that way.

This makes me feel a lot better about the various sicknesses that some of our church kids passed around recently.  You see, as it turns out, going to church is good for kids’ immune systems!  Do you think the New York Times will write about it? Maybe we should put it in our church visior brochure!

Last night (April 30), our long-haired miniature dachshund, Myra escaped from the back yard.  When we realized it late last night, I went searching for her in the neighborhood and after about 45 minutes, found her across Jefferson Blvd. (a busy, highway-like street with 4 lanes).  She had been hit by a car and killed – instantly from the looks of it.

Myra has been with Eleanor and me for 14 years (9 of them before we had any children).  When Eleanor and I had known each other for just three years, Myra joined our family.  We’ve lived in five different places together, and it’s really hard to see her go.  We knew that she would die one day – maybe even soon – but this sudden, violent death is a little hard to deal with.

I thought it would be fitting to offer a Myra retrospective here.  She got her name because I insisted that if we got a tiny little dog, she would need a joke name.  Hence she was christened Oscar Myra Wienerdog – Myra for short and O. Myra on official documents.  The pictures below capture a bit of who she was.  In order, there are a picture of her as a puppy from an early 1994 webcam in my Silicon Graphics office, Myra’s glamour shot taken by a fellow student while we were in seminary, Myra on the beach, Myra the french fry (any human food, really) thief, Myra the measuring stick that tracked the growth of all three of our children as babies, and finally a white-muzzled Myra in 2008, exhausted after Johnny’s little friends went home from his birthday party.

Now we’ll finally have to learn how to clean up food spills around the table, and I’ll have to figure out how to keep myself company after the kids go to sleep. The house just seems a little bit darker and less friendly tonight.

Myra, you were a member of our family.  We will miss you.

We always struggle with the gift issue.  Eleanor wants to have a “no gifts” party, and I imagine what that would feel like for the kids.  They bring presents to all of their friends’ parties.  Is it fair for them not to get any?

But the kids always behave a bit worse after the deluge of new toys.  It doesn’t take them long to start acting spoiled.  How much is enough?

The culture we live in says that there’s no such thing as “enough.”  More is always better.  But the Good $ense budget class that we offer a couple of times a year at the church suggests that we should “drive a stake in the ground” and decide that enough is enough.

The Bible comes out on the Good $ense side:  2 Corinthians 9:8 says, “And God is able to provide you with every blessing in abundance, so that by always having enough of everything, you may share abundantly in every good work.”

Next year we may make the party “gifts optional” in hopes of reducing the number without completely cheating the kids.

“No Johnny,” I replied, “It’s Jesus’ church.  And he’s my boss.”

Without skipping a beat, Johnny responded, “He’s everyone’s boss.”

Then my three-year-old, Joshua, started pointing to everyone in the Carl’s Jr. restaurant saying, “Jesus is their boss and their boss and their boss…”

I guess my boys understand discipleship pretty well!

I believe that God must have the same experience.

“My child, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves the one he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.” Proverbs 3:11-12

I wouldn’t bother to give Lydia drops if I didn’t care about her well-being.  And God wouldn’t bother to discipline and teach us unless he loved us…  It’s no fun, but it helps to know that it comes from love.  Some day, Lydia will understand that too.

Yes, Joshua has discovered the fine art of continuing to ask until you get the answer you want.  Dave Barney, a system software director I worked for for a while, called it “toddler syndrome.”  People did it in big technology companies too.  Just keep asking people at all levels of the organization until you find someone who will give the answer you want.  Sometimes even the corporate big wigs would do.  It’s like something out of a Dilbert comic strip:

Corporate VP to software development manager: “Can you get the project finished by the end of this month?”
Software manager: “No, even if we finished today, the testing cycle would last longer than that.”

Corporate VP to software development manager’s boss: “Can you get the project finished by the end of this month?”
Software manager’s boss: “I don’t see why not!”

That got us into a lot of trouble in the computer business.  It gets me into trouble at home too.  “What did you just tell Joshua?”

But it’s most dangerous in our lives as Christians.  People look for churches or small groups or friends who will tell them that whatever they want to do or not do, or to believe or not believe, is OK.  We don’t want to face difficult truths, and today, there is enough variety of belief and practice out there that we don’t have to.

Sometimes that saves us from error or persecution.  Sometimes it lets us continue down paths that harm us and others.

I wish Joshua had been honest with me.  In this case, Mom said no to the request for apple juice because she was taking care of the baby.  It was no problem for me to get the little guy some juice.  But the “toddler syndrome” kept us from getting to the root issue.  I hope more of us can get to that point in our faith too.

She’s a great kid, and I look forward to getting to know her better.  I definitely have a lot of lessons to learn as the father of a daughter.  (She didn’t come with a manual.)

But if you’re expecting me to write about that, you’re in for a surprise.

This year, we have a baby coming – Lydia will be her name.  In fact, she’s coming tomorrow.  She will either come naturally in the wee hours or else at 9:00 a.m. via c-section.  She may have a problem with her kidneys – we’ll have to find out after she’s born.  Also, we’re buying a house – we should be closing escrow next week and moving right after Christmas.  And to qualify for the loan, we had to fix a bunch of stuff in and around our current house and find someone to rent it by the 15th.  (It’s nearly impossible to sell a house right now in our market.)

For some people, that might not be a big deal.  But I only have so much ability to handle things that are out of my control and that still have significant effects on my family, on the church, and on me.  Right now, there’s absolutely no way that I can lay out a plan for the next month.  I don’t even know what all of the variables are.  It hurts my brain when I try to plan…

That makes is much easier to let go.  I don’t know what the church budget should look like.  I don’t know when to plan to move.  I have to plan the house maintenance one day at a time.  I certainly can’t make the baby come or do anything to prevent the c-section (though we did by an exercise ball )  Each thing falls into place as it falls into place.

I’ve been spending lots of time handing things over to God.  It’s a discipline.  I keep handing things over.  Baby, budget, old house, new house…  And God keeps coming through.  Already most of the house projects are done.  We got renters yesterday.  And baby Lydia will be on her way tomorrow.  Meanwhile, I’ll keep handing things over and trusting that God will handle the concerns of that day.  Jesus said it, and I’ve read it a hundred times:

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  Matthew 6:34

But now, because I have no hope of controlling it all, I’m getting a chance to live it.  And, not surprisingly, Jesus is right.  I’ll let you know how it goes!

But there are so many things that need to be done! Before the baby gets here, I have to square away all of the church stuff and make sure the church will be ready for Christmas (I’ll preach Christmas Eve, but I won’t do my usual preparation, coordination, and publicity work.) We also need to find someone to rent the current house. We need to arrange insurance for the new house, and need to find and set up the baby things. There’s just not enough time.

So I’ve really set myself up, eh? Or I could look at it as winning either way.  If she comes now, we get to see her.  Yea!  If she comes later, there’s more time to get ready – also good.

We’ve had lots of people praying that Lydia will arrive when the time is right.  So I’m going to go with that.

I’m hoping that when the baby actually comes I’ll be able to focus on her and my kids and let some of this other stuff go.  (But in the next 30 days, we still need to find someone to rent our current house!  Know anyone?  Check out the house here.)

I’ll let you know how it goes.

I could just stay on them all the time – telling them “don’t do that,” “stop it!” “put it back” over and over and over…

Now I’m not recommending laissez-faire parenting. But I realized couple of days ago, that I don’t have to do that. I can let some of this little stuff go. Otherwise, the kids will just learn to tune me out. Then when something big comes, they won’t even hear me. Not to mention that it’s hard to feel loved by someone who’s always criticizing you about something.

Another thing Eleanor and I do is to focus on whatever issue is most pressing at the time. We currently have zero tolerance on a habit Joshua has developed. When we tell Johnny not to do something, Johnny immediately does it. Right now, it’s straight to “time out” every time he does it.

It occurs to me that this is the same way the Holy Spirit works on us. God could easily say no to me every second or two for some action or thought. But instead God seems to focus on one area in our lives at a time. One day something seems OK and the next day the Holy Spirit is on it until it’s gone.

Kind of nice that God doesn’t beat us up as often as would be justified. It’s a lot easier to feel loved this way, and I don’t have to crawl into a hole and hide feeling like there’s no hope. There is hope as long as God is working.

At four-and-a-half years old, my son Johnny has reached the stage in his development where he works furiously to create indestructible sandcastles.  he had a great one going one afternoon.

“The water wins all battles,” I told Johnny.  “We can delay it for a while, but eventually the water wins.”

Johnny didn’t believe it.  He put a tree branch in place and dug a moat to catch the water- pretty good civil engineering for someone who isn’t five yet.  And it looked pretty good.

When we returned the next morning, some of the castle was still there!  But we happened to witness the moment when the waves wiped out the castle.  Because we had talked about it, it wasn’t crushing to Johnny.  He seemed to have a moment of enlightenment…

Johnny’s predicament came to me when I was thinking about my own situation.  God has been inviting me to trust and encouraging me to spend more time in prayer.  But something inside me resists.  I know that I can trust God, and I make decisions according to that belief, but I still feel the stress.  It occurred to me that I am expending huge amounts of energy to hold God back – just like Johnny’s engineering efforts to keep the water away from his castle.  For some reason, I am working hard to reinforce my castle’s defenses.

God really does win all battles.  All I can do is resist in a futile effort to keep God from redecorating the beach.  What would it be like to trust so completely that if God wanted to wipe out a sandcastle in my life, I would be OK with it?  I can imagine it – and sometimes, I can live it – but much of the time, I cause myself unnecessary hardship by resisting God.  What a waste of energy and what needless wear and tear on my body and mind!  All you can do trying to stop God is hurt yourself.

I am going to work on letting go…  on allowing God to redesign the landscape as He sees fit and save my energy for more important things like ministry and spending time with my wife and kids.

Want to join me?  Leave a comment.

And we have finished some of them!  We bought and installed a new stove; we chose and ordered new flooring for the dining room; we removed, fixed, and reinstalled a sticking sliding door; we planted climbing plants and installed trellises on the back patio; we built and installed a top cover for the bathroom medicine cabinet so the wiring is safely enclosed; and we had begun some other projects such as painting, drywall taping, and stucco repair.  The list was actually a bit too long, and I’m doing a wedding this week so we were a bit stressed.

But that was nothing.  Just after lunch, Eleanor was resting and I was reading something on the computer when Johnny came in covered in paint.  I went outside to find that he had opened a gallon of white primer in the garage and used two Frisbees to bring paint out to the lawn to put it on the door Eleanor had been painting.  There was a huge puddle of paint in the garage and our new patio was covered with multiple trails of paint between the garage and the lawn.  He had also painted several things along the way.  I wish I had taken a picture of it, but we were really concerned about getting the paint cleaned up fast before too much of it dried.  Paint dries fast when it’s 102 degrees out.

We spent all afternoon with scrub brushes, dish soap, and a pressure washer trying to get back to where we were yesterday, and we’re not there yet.

Are Eleanor and I frustrated?  Oh yeah.  Am I upset and disappointed with my son who went and did a bunch of things we’ve repeatedly told him not to do?  Sure.

But sometimes, something that pushes you so far that it’s completely impossible to execute your plans is a little bit freeing.  When our goal was still in sight, I was feeling a lot of stress about executing according to plan.  Now, even if we make no mistakes, we can’t finish it all in the time we have so I can be free!

Now I have to rely on God to get me through this.  The idea that I was in control was an illusion in the first place and now it’s been dispelled.  Will I sleep better tonight with everything shot to pieces than I did last night when we were on track?  I’ll have to let you know.  Part of me is experiencing the freedom and another part is struggling to regain control.  It’s too soon to tell which will win.

Some people live in that reality all the time.  In truth, we rely on God’s power and grace and just to get through every day.  Some people who live with big challenges are in touch with that all the time.  I personally am not always aware of it, but I am today.

“Why do you say that, Johnny?” Eleanor, my wife, asked.

“Because he leads me in temptation,” Johnny replied matter-of-factly, referring to the line in the Lord’s Prayer – “lead us not into temptation.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I keep praying and praying but every day I’m tempted.  Like splashing water in the sink.” (Johnny has had some trouble lately where he spends ten minutes playing in the water in the bathroom sink instead of washing his hands.)

When we recovered from the shock that our four-year-old was doing some decent theological thinking, we had to talk to him a bit and assure him that God does hear his prayers, and that some amount of temptation is just a part of life – that even Jesus experienced it.

But Johnny will have more examples of “unanswered prayer” over time. I have found that the most common ways of responding to that problem are not helpful.

1) “It’s God’s will.” True, some prayers aren’t answered the way we’d like because God has other plans. I could pray to win the lottery and God might know that if I won the lottery I’d become an insufferable materialist (it’s just hypothetical God!) But what about a child dying. What does it mean for that to be God’s will? What about terrorists flying planes into the World Trade Center? Is “God’s will” the right answer there? I don’t think so. At some point, we have to acknowledge that we live in a fallen world and that crummy stuff is going to happen as a result of people’s bad choices and the effects of living in a sin-soaked world.

2) To get around the “God’s will” problem, many people decide that God just can’t be bothered with our affairs. God merely “cries with us.” That is part of what God does, but it’s not sufficient. Now God isn’t powerful anymore. God “can’t” help us. That isn’t biblical! How does that mesh with James 4:2 “You do not have, because you do not ask” or the words of Jesus himself, for example, “Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.” I guess you have to “spiritualize” that. But I don’t read the New Testament that way. I read that we serve a powerful God, indwelt by a powerful Holy Spirit.

3) “God answers all prayers, but sometimes the answer is no.” I hate that. In much of his teaching on prayer, Jesus tells us to keep coming to God again and again and again. Why would we do that if there’s some simple yes or no answer process? I believe instead that God answers all prayers – sometimes by changing the world and sometimes by changing our hearts. If we keep coming to God long enough, we will stay in conversation with God and in the end, God will either give us what we ask or will change the desires of our hearts to fit with God’s will. That has been my experience. Not that it happens right away. I’ve had things take years before my constant coming to God actually changes my heart. See Luke 11:5-13 and Luke 18:1-8.

If we reject those three statements, we don’t get any easy answers – God wanted it that way, God can’t do anything about that, God said no. We have to deal with the ambiguity and mystery. And it would be unbearable except for one thing… God loves us. God loves us more than we can understand. If we trust that we serve and pray to an infinitely loving God, then it’s easier to live in a world where things don’t work as we think they should. But we’re called to keep coming, to stay in conversation with God, even to wrestle with God! Our God has chosen to be influenced by us – that’s what prayer is – so we might even prevail!

Keep the faith, friends, and trust that the Lord is with us – even in the really painful and messy times. That’s what we plan to teach Johnny as he grows up.

I love and enjoy my kids, but just figuring out what to do to keep the kids busy without resorting to watching TV or videos was tough. Then trying to get any of the housework done at the same time was next to impossible. And I was fried at the end of the day.

All you moms or dads or others who are primary caregivers for children, I salute you!

Eleanor and I always used to take cameras along on our vacations and when we came home, we’d find that we had forgotten to take any pictures. Lately, with growing children, we’re more deliberate about taking the pictures. We want to remember each stage our kids go through. Since we don’t print them all out, we enjoy them by showing random pictures as the desktop wallpaper on our computer.

That all sounds fine, right? I’m not sure it is. Sometimes I’m so busy taking pictures that I feel like I’m documenting the event rather than participating in it. That can happen at the church too. I want to be able to share the pictures with others so they can experience a moment, but can I do that without sacrificing my ability to live in the moment?

Scrapbooking and digital cameras have made taking pictures more popular than ever as far as I can tell. But what are we giving up in order to hang onto the moment?  I don’t want to be a spectator in my own life – especially as a dad!

Of course Eleanor’s and my eyes welled up a bit. We thanked Johnny and gave him a big hug.

Somewhere between age 3 and adulthood, we seem to lose that generous spirit and learn to be fiercely protective of our money. Jesus himself spent a large fraction of his teaching time talking and teching about money, but whenever we mention it in church – however gently – someone gets angry and stops coming to worship… Maybe it’s guilt, maybe it’s an unwillingness to submit to God’s will for us, maybe it’s even greed… I don’t know.

It wasn’t easy for us to start tithing (tithing means giving 10% of your income to the church), but Eleanor and I have been tithing for many years now – I think 2007 may be the 10th year. We have done it when we had a lot and when we had very little, and we have found ourselves freed. I feel a lot more like Johnny now. “Take my piggybank, God!” We’ve found that 10% is a starting point for us now. And our needs continue to be met in mysterious ways. I sometimes feel concerned about how I will provide for my family, but God provides. For example, a bicycle recently appeared on the front porch, for example, and we were given a set of bunk beds when we had just started shopping for them.

Life is better when we feel free to be generous and can talk about money without the tension and anger that used to accompany it. I just wish I could figure out how to communicate that to people without so much fallout…

Leave a comment if you have a suggestion! In the meantime, give thank God for your blessings and be generous!

My wife wanted to go to her women’s small group at our church, which meant I was watching our boys for about three hours on Wednesday nights.

Eventually, we developed the concept of “Guys’ Night.” Guys’ Night always included going somewhere in the car. This not only takes up time, but it gives them something to look forward to.

1) Kids’ Videos
One very cool thing was our “Blockbuster Rewards” membership. It costs about $10/year and includes one free old movie every month. These are excellent for picking up Clifford the Big Red Dog, Thomas the Tank Engine, Blues’ Clues, The Land Before Time 1 – 23 or so, and other such kids’ videos. You also get a free old movie with every new release Mondays through Wednesdays. Something for you, something for them. I usually close with a big bowl of popcorn, and of course I watch the movie with them. (Occasional comforting may be necessary at the “scary parts.”)

2) Running Errands
Going to “guy” places like Home Depot or Fry’s Electronics works pretty well as an outing. Fry’s has a couple of aisles of kid stuff that you can play with for free. Home Depot has lots of cool tools and hardware – need I say more?

3) Fast Food with kids’ “play lands”
We have a nearby McDonald’s with a one of those kids’ playgrounds with tubes to climb through, etc. For the price of a Happy Meal, or even less if we’ve already had dinner and we split a milkshake, we get at least an hour of fun.

4) IKEA
They recently put in an Ikea in West Sacramento. Yeah, Ikea is a furniture store, but it has toys you can play with, a restaurant with a kids’ area, and lots of big stuff to play in and climb on. Even the carts are fun – all four wheels turn which makes them great for spinning around. They also have 99 cent frozen yogurt cones. They’re a great closer. And, the sugar-induced sleepiness is a good deal.

5) Starbucks
Well, it’s not cheap, but they have $1 kids milk. So if Dad needs a little pick-me-up, the boys love to go to Starbucks, get their milk any way they like it (cold, with ice, steamed, even chocolate if I allow it).

6) The Mall
Going to a mall is a good thing. There’s usually a children’s area, and they often have fun strollers. When one store gets boring (for them or you), you just move on. If you’re feeling like a big spender, you can go to the food court.

7) Advanced Maneuvers
When you’re feeling more comfortable, you can start mixing in more traditional things. Since I have boys, that usually means throwing balls, wrestling, running around, playing with toy trains, or legos along with less gender-specific activities like reading books. This is what’s generally considered “quality time,” but I think that any time dads spend time with their kids – even if it’s chasing them around the video store – is important.

If you read this (which is anything but assured ), leave your suggestions as comments!

Happy Birthday, Joshua!

I can’t believe that my second son Joshua is one year old already! We just had the family over for dinner and a celebration of Joshua’s first twelve months.

As is traditional in my family, Joshua got his own (small) birthday cake to eat. But there were lots of kids running around, and he wasn’t as interested in the cake as in his cousins.

Still, we got the customary picture of him with cake all over his face. (His first move was to pick the thing up to his face to try to eat it.)

We are very thankful for Joshua and the blessings that he has brought to our family in his first year. He’s a great kid.

I’ve been working on living an authentic and radically honest life (maybe a 2006 New Year’s resolution – watch this space). This picture of my son devouring a muffin top-first is a nice reminder of what that’s like. Johnny doesn’t do phony. I don’t want to either. (If I don’t get to it in January, maybe I’ll give it up for Lent! )

I would have figured the boys were too young at 10 months and 2-3/4, but Eleanor’s parents won some Disneyland tickets in a raffle, and we were planning to be in Anaheim, CA (home of Mickey Mouse) for Thanksgiving anyway so… we went!

The kids had fun – well, Joshua has fun pretty much everywhere – and they did very well.

Johnny met his first beauty-pageant-winning teen girls. He was a little embarrassed. (See picture above.)

They both loved meeting the life-size characters. Minnie Mouse even played a little peek-a-boo/hide-and-seek game with Johnny for a few minutes until the crowd appeared to get her autograph. He really enjoyed that. In fact, I was impressed with the way the actors played their characters. Most of them really seemed to be enjoying themselves and were giving it their all, which the kids really appreciated.

Actually, even though the lines were really long on the day before Thanksgiving at the end of the 50th anniversary party year, the kids really enjoyed themselves.

Of course, it was a huge overload. We were there from about 10 a.m. to about 6 p.m., and both boys took a nap in there, but it was just too much to take in. I mean, you go from your normal life in a world that is mostly designed for adults and is mostly utilitarian to a world designed to be a child’s fantasy… except for the huge lines and great expense (but I’m getting ahead of myself here!)

Johnny couldn’t get to sleep until about midnight, and then he kept waking up with nightmares. I think he was just trying to process all of the overload.

The picture on the right seemed to symbolize that part of the experience. Heck, even I was feeling that way.

So let me say that everyone was very friendly and the experience was very positive overall.

But, of course, the undercover pastor was checking out the scene too.

While I was there, I had a feeling that I remembered… I was eventually able to pinpoint it as the feeling when I came back to the United States after my time in Mexico. It was culture shock! Now granted, Eleanor and I don’t live in the upper-middle-class, SUV-saturated world that many of the Disneyland “guests” come from, but that wasn’t everyone there…

Everything was just over the top. My brother-in-law told me that they spend $300,000 each night on the special 50th anniversary fireworks show. (I haven’t been able to verify the number.) Even if it’s only a tenth of that, it’s enough for a family to live on for a year. Yikes!

It just felt so… decadent. In some ways it was like the last days of the Roman Empire. I even felt a little guilty being there, knowing what I know from my ministry about people just barely making it or not quite making it. People were starving and living in cars while we played in our own private world. What does this teach my boys?

To be perfectly honest, I’m conflicted about it. I want my kids to have great, fun experiences. We’re not going to go to Disneyland every weekend or even every year. It’s not so bad to have a treat now and then (even if it costs $56/day for an adult to set foot in the park), right?

I guess the answer is the same one that comes up so often when we try to live responsibly as Christians. We’re called to do what we can and to use what God has given us responsibly. But I can cut loose every so often and give my kids a treat and get to see the big smiles and looks of wonder that Disneyland brings to their faces – as long as we teach them good stewardship and the importance of loving and serving our neighbor too.

(More on the Disney operation later!)

About a year ago, Johnny wanted to play basketball so I took a wire coat hanger, bent it into a hoop, and hung it on the clothes hamper in Eleanor’s and my bedroom. That was OK for a toddler, but it’s not really going to teach Johnny about basketball. So I decided that it might be time to get him a kid-sized basketball hoop.

When I mentioned it to Johnny, I expected him to be excited. “Johnny, we’re thinking about buying you an outside basketball hoop like your friend Hayden has so we can play basketball!” His reply surprised me.

Johnny said, “We don’t need one, Dad. We already have an inside basketball hoop!”

I wasn’t sure how to feel. It was wonderful that my son was happy with what he had. I was proud, but at the same time part of me still felt like there was something sad about a boy being satisfied with a coat hanger basketball hoop.

I think the sad feeling comes from part of me that still believes the lie that we need a bunch of stuff to be happy and that I’m not an adequate father and provider unless my son can have all those things.

Here’s a picture of Johnny playing on his “indoor basketball court.”

Johnny’s a good kid.

Johnny (pictured here) loved “swimming” in the lake in his inner tube. Once he got the hang of it, we had to stop him from getting away from us and paddling and kicking his way out to toward the middle of the lake. He wanted nothing more than to go out past the buoys that mark the swimming area to “where the boats are.”

He has no fear. I can remember feeling like I could do anything. What happened to that?

John Bell of the Church of Scotland quotes research into children and singing. In kindergarten, pretty much all children believe they can sing, but ask any group of adults and you’ll find precious few who believe that they can sing.

We seem to learn that we “can’t” and therefore do not even try to do the things we’d like to do. I just replaced the water main at our house. If you asked me a couple of weeks ago whether I could do that , I might have told you no. But the pipe broke and my dad was there to encourage me so I did it. I was wrong to sell myself short.

So many people tell me what they can’t do or what our church can’t do. It gets sad after a while. And it’s a lie. We can do so much more than we give ourselves credit for. Let’s take a page from Johnny’s book and swim for the middle of the lake!

Here’s what happened. Johnny was running from his bedroom to the living room. Out house has wood floors, and from time to time, they’re slippery. He’s fallen before but never like this. I heard him go down, and by the time I looked up, he was face down on the floor, screaming like I’ve never heard him scream before.

When we helped him up, he had blood on his forehead. Eleanor grabbed a towel and we applied direct pressure. When we took it off to check it, we could see that the wound was deep.

Next we put Johnny and Joshua in the car to head to the emergency room. At this point, Johnny had calmed down and was even a bit sleepy – probably because it would have been his bedtime – but we were a bit concerned since he had a head injury so we kept him awake.

We signed in and then had to wait over half an hour in the waiting room before we saw someone.

At that point they told us that we had two options. We could wait (possibly all night) for the “main part” of the emergency room where they could give Johnny a general anesthetic or we could go to the part where they do quick procedures right now. Well, it seemed crazy to have Johnny knocked out for a couple of stitches so we decided to do the quick route.

The doctor told us that he would give us a local anesthetic that we could hold on the wound (under pressure) for half an hour and then Johnny wouldn’t need an injection. This sounded good so we did it. Johnny didn’t appreciate the pressure on his wound, but Eleanor and I got him through it together by singing to him and telling him stories.

Then the doctor arrived to do the procedure. We agreed that there was no need for both of us to witness it so I stayed.

First they wrapped Johnny in a sheet so that he couldn’t wiggle. The nurse tried to make it seem fun by telling Johnny that he was a burrito. He wasn’t buying it. Next they positioned me so that Johnny would be able to see me well. That seemed good to me.

But then they covered his face with a cloth that only had a little circular opening in it to expose the wound on his forehead. Johnny started screaming bloody murder! A tech was holding his head, but he would still wriggle it around so that he could see through the hole. Then the doctor or nurse would move it.

“Help me, Daddy!” Johnny cried. “Uppy!” (Which means, “Please pick me up!”)

I kept telling him that I was there with him and it would all be OK soon, but poor Johnny had no idea why his father was part of this awful thing that was happening to him. Why wouldn’t I help him?

Eventually they finished the four stitches and I got to pick him up. He was visibly shaken.

I knew that it was necessary to stitch up the wound, and I had explained it to Johnny about a dozen times before the procedure, but there was no way a two-year-old could really understand that.

We also found that he couldn’t express his fear and concern about the experience afterwords. All Eleanor and I could do was hold him.

He seems to be much better now, but every so often he says that “Daddy is going to scare me.” I think it’s connected to his experience.

You can see from this picture (taken the next day) that he’s mostly OK, but the poor guy will need some time to get over his experience. And so will I!

As it turns out, today (Sunday), I was scheduled to preach about God’s healing. One of the tough issues there is that God’s healing often doesn’t come the way we want it to.

I’ve had times in my life when I’ve cried out to God, “Help me! Uppy!” – wondering where God was, feeling like God was either doing nothing or worse yet, part of the horrible thing that was happening to me. That’s how Johnny felt. He had no idea that what was happening to him was in his best interest. And I think that’s how it is with God. I think God works for the best for us, loves us, and stands beside us – even when we can’t figure out what’s happening or why.

We’ll never fully understand God, but we can know that God loves us, stands beside us, and works for the best for us. That ought to be enough to help us trust even when we’re wrapped up in the sheet with our heads covered and can’t figure out why. At least God is there with us comforting us.

That’s my consolation for the situation with Johnny too. At least I was there with him to comfort him as much as possible until he made it through that difficult experience and I could take him into my arms again.

I can already imagine him as a teenager distancing himself from Dad… and that’s what made the moment this afternoon special. Monday is my day off from my work at the church, and we were all sitting together since a plumber was trying to fix our gas leak under the house and there wasn’t any heat. (Good thing it wasn’t too cold today.) Anyway, Johnny was sitting with me watching what I was doing on the computer when he started to get sleepy. It’s been a long time since he fell asleep in my arms.

I don’t know how many more moments we’ll have like this. Sure, there will be other great adventures that we’ll have together, but this is special. It was nice to realize it in the moment this time. I had a chance to enjoy it, and it felt important.

But today, Eleanor saw a real smile. Joshua was sitting in his rocker, which has little toys that hang down in front of him. He looked at them and smiled.

I didn’t see this one, but I remember the first time Johnny smiled at me. Until that point, he would tell us when something was wrong or when he was hungry, but that was the first time he responded to me as a person. My heart practically exploded with joy!

(I’m resisting the urge to sermonize here… I’m sure there’s an analogy to how God responds to worship, but I’ll fight it off for now. )

Anyway, I can’t wait to see Joshua smile at me. It’s just wonderful to see our little babies become people with their own personalities!